Grateful Reflections

Yesterday I had to go to the hospital to have some tests after my Dr. found some lumps under my arm. For a week prior I felt assured that it would be nothing and was not worried, but I had to have a mammogram and an ultrasound of the area. I had to go to the hospital and not a regular office so a radiologist could read the results on the spot. It wasn't until I was there and in the room, which they made to look like someones living room, only with a big machine to squish boobies in it, they told me it had been since 2004 since my last mammo that I got a little nervous. She took the images and put them on the lighted wall and asked me to put on the gown and wait to get the ultrasound. As I waited and looked at the xrays my anxiety level elevated. I could see some white spots and some looked big and spread out. Could it really be?

Laying there, waiting, in a room that had sunflowers everywhere, even floated above me from the ceiling, someones idea of making the experience we women have to go through a little more calming , I felt peace come over me. I didn't know if the Dr. would come in and give me bad news or not. So I went to my place. A place I marked in a moment of time...I may need it, I may want to use it at some time I thought...it was in the summer of 2006, at the lake, Bass Lake and I was floating on a round tube, in a beautiful cove we had stopped in to make lunch and hang out. I looked up at the blue sky, surrounded by tall pine trees. The water was deep green and just the right temperature. I could hear my family, talking and laughing, my kids, my grand kids, my husband. It was perfect, all I could ask for. I book marked it right then and there in my mind. I can use this moment in time, my perfect everything!

Back in the examine room, I lay there thinking whatever happens, I am at peace. All I ever wanted was to be able to raise my kids to adulthood, not to die when they were kids and when they needed me so or would be devastated and sad without a mom. I can't think of anything other than losing one of them that would be worse. I used to worry so much about this that I sought counseling and I remember a session in which my therapist had me envision a time many years in the future in which I would be a grandmother and sitting at a table with lots of grandchildren and I would be so joyful. He promised me that I would have that. I cried, really broke down and sobbed at that image and believed in it and it brought me peace. That is where I am at this point in my life, all I ever wanted. It would be sad to get bad news, terrifying, but I knew I could deal with it, I have my faith which is strong and I've raised my kids to be strong and they have each other, they would be ok.

I thought of the other women, in the waiting room, those in the past, who have sat in my spot and did receive news that would change their lives and I felt sorry, so sorry for them that I said a little prayer for them. Life, you just never know. It's good to be prepared, to have faith, to have loved ones to love and support you, to have a place you can take yourself to feel at peace. Thankfully I am fine (I do have to see a surgeon for one last ck), thank to have had this experience in which I had a chance to reflect and be ever more grateful.

Easter

Grandma, Kadence, Abby, Ella, and Max
Dustin, Kadence, and Heather

Dustin and Emma, she loves Dustin

Nick, Abby, and Grandma Pat

Laurie and Ethan

Dustin lovin on Andy

The Family

The Family, again!

Kadence on her way to church with Daddy, love the glasses!

There they go!

We had a wonderful Easter day. Barry and I went to the Kirtley's ward to hear Natalie speak after her mission. She gave a great talk and really speaks Spanish! Then we went to their house and had a fabulous lunch. They are great hosts and we enjoyed seeing all of the family. I miss the kids and it was nice to spend some time with them. Then we headed over to Elaine's house for the Brandler event. The crazy money egg search was as expected, cheating, yelling, crying and one happy recipient (who usually gets the grand prize by cheating too). Jacob won it again, I think for the 5th year in a row, to the crushing disappointment of the younger cousins. Many of the adult cousins are scared for life from this experience and yet it lives on, stronger than ever! We enjoyed spending time together and watching Elaine freak out over the kids and her house. After everyone came to my house and we had taco salad...what you don't have Mexican food on Easter? So it was a special day and I, again, felt gratitude for all my blessings and that I have a loving Savior that makes all this possible.

Our Day At The Zoo

Max is pooped and needs a ride, so did I but didn't fit in the stroller.
Taking a break after lunch.

Kadence at the park, she is having fun, but looks like a lost child. No worries, I brought them all home safely.

Max and Kadence like the Black Bear

Ethan and Daddy

Kadence likes the seals

Max pushes Kadence and Abby

Gramma with Max and Kadence

Great pic of Max

Laurie with Emma and Ethan

Happy Abby

Our group, I couldn't have done it without Laurie and Nick. Oh boy, we had a great day!

All Pumpkin Plants Are In

Dustin and Kadence
She watched, a girl doesn't really want to get dirty!
Ethan has his in the ground.

All of the pumpkin plants are planted and we are waiting to see some action. Some people are very competitive about having the biggest and the most, but Brandon made a good point, that all of the vines will eventually become tangled together and we won't know which pumpkin comes from which plant. Right now some aren't doing very well, leaves turning yellow and such, so I may be doing the bait and switch at some point. I hope it doesn't come down to me buying some pumpkins and setting them amongst the vines come October!! I have to do some research on how to grow some awesome plants. Can't disappoint the G-kids can I??

Harley-time

One of Harley's favorite things to do is to hang on my nightgown and have me drag him around. Not so easy to cook with a puppy on your hem. He is fun puppy, smart too. He and I play a lot together and he loves to play catch and will walk on two feet and turn for a treat. But he is a matted mess and needs to be groomed. So who knows next time I post about him he may have a new look.